I haven't done an update to the novel-writing log in close to a week, so here goes.
Today was a rough day, and perhaps the closest I've been to full-blown depression in quite a while. I woke up feeling a vague sense of dread, and no, it wasn't just because this is the day my interview was supposed to broadcast over the Internet. (Actually, that didn't happen, since they moved up the broadcast by a week and didn't tell me. So it has already aired, and archived, even ... so if you're curious, you can hear it by clicking here: HealthyLife.net, Bill Brent interview with host Ann Sanders).
Anyway, I got up, made myself some strong coffee, sat on the living room couch with my mug, and cried intermittently while reviewing memories of my early life.
Suffice to say that I am cleaning up some very old business that isn't part of my current life, so that I can let it go and move into the next phase with clear, creative purpose, unclouded by the past judgments of unqualified others. Or, as I like to say:
You cannot be a fierce force if you are always apologizing for it.
So when the going gets tough, the tough (er, um, that's moi, sports fans) ... well, we crawl back into bed, since even sitting at this keyboard can be overwhelming at a moment of nearly intolerable malaise.
And then the tough ... well, we grab ourselves an empty Mead notebook and a comfy pen, and we write a thousand charmed and golden words into the right-brain novel, and all is well again.
Ha ha. Bet that's not what you were expecting me to say just now.
In other words, the tough kicked major butt today. I thought I would lie down and take a nap, but then I could see the wall of fear — that I would have nothing to say, but even worse, that I wouldn't even try. God, I hate resignation. Gah. So I stared at that blank page and tore down the wall. No room allowed for hesitation or doubt. Forty-five minutes later, maybe an hour (I wasn't keeping time), I had filled over ten double-spaced pages in my college-ruled, no longer empty notebook.
And now they're typed, even! So I can include them in today's word count.
In other news, I uprooted a fairly well entrenched Albizia sapling during yesterday's early evening walk and dragged it back home. It took me several return visits to wrench the root out of the earth. Dang, the taproot on this thing must be four feet long. It is still attached to the remaining piece of trunk, so the whole contraption would make an impressive single-tail whip. These trees are horrid, invasive aliens that destroy our native growth forest. Meanwhile, they grow into expensive pests that damage the roads with their root system and cost a lot to remove if you don't yank 'em while they're young. Maybe I will have a picture of my vanquished invader to post soon, but no promises.
Here's today's tally:
Bill's Left-Brain Novel,
as of June 26, 2007:
Bill's Right-Brain Novel,
as of June 26, 2007:
Wishing you a beautiful day,
Bill Brent
[this page last updated: 2007.06.26, 6:55 p.m. Hawaii time]
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