My Photo

Your email address:


Powered by FeedBlitz

Please Shop At My Amazon Store.

June 2008

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30          
Blog powered by TypePad
AddThis Social Bookmark Button

Honolulu

June 18, 2007

NOVEL-WRITING LOG: There's something about "Monday" (29 days and counting)

Here's to serendipity.

Today it paid to be obsessive — er, meticulous and scrupulous. I spent much of the day reviewing my life history from roughly 2002 to 2004 (a/k/a Bill's "Lost" Period). I have a pretty good system set up for keeping the chronicle organized (journal entries, letters, etc.), and it's geared to make retrieving what I want as painless as possible.

So I was trying to dredge up a moment from about four years ago. I had lost my enterprise in 2002 due to a bad business deal. I'd left the city and was trying to figure out just who I wanted to be when I grew up, once I awoke from my grief.

Meanwhile, I was partying to numb the pain. It was Monday morning, around 6 a.m., and I was seated on the cozy bed of the small-town pot dealer who owned the rustic house on the hill. He was toasting cynically to the poor S.O.B.'s who were just then dragging their sorry butts out of bed and preparing to start the work week ... whereas the four of us present at his place were winding down our little orgy. I was starting to think seriously about getting some sleep.

So, yes, he'd defied the work ethic, but (seeing as he'd managed to con nearly every major player in town once or twice) he'd also defied community respect and, as I would soon come to learn, much in the way of self-respect or self-knowledge. Isolation couched in defiance looks rather grim on an aspiring sextogenarian, but that was his bargain with the world, and for the motley crew of crank-sniffing, pot-smoking, beer-swilling party-dudes just then assembled at his place, he was a rebel hero. For a moment, thanks to him, we established a beachhead of solidarity in the war against the normal.

Ho-hum. You ever notice how guys like this love to talk politics — they've got an opinion on everything — but the last thing they can acknowledge is their own set of shortcomings?

Anyhow, just then, he said something rather memorable that included the word "Monday." So today I searched for any documents containing the word "Monday," just to see if I had made note of his toast, or could otherwise summon my description of the scene.

Well, no. However, in the process, I've now summoned and shared it with you ... and I've learned a lot about my own Mondays.

I tend to like them. A lot of work gets done. It's a day of lists and calls and reflections on the weekend. Even during my relatively short partying phase, I made a bad slacker. I still got things done. I got caught up on two years' worth of unfiled taxes and successfully filed for bankruptcy (my lawyer's aide said I had the most "fabulous" set of paperwork he'd seen in a dozen years on the job); I started a new enterprise; I maintained an extensive correspondence with many business colleagues and friends. I traveled around the country on a shoestring budget. There were business projects I could have backed out of, but I'd made commitments to colleagues, and I kept my promises as much as I could. I continued to write my own work and get it published.

So, anyhow, here's to Mondays, and to all of us who've fallen into the cracks and are making an earnest effort to crawl out and get our lives back on track.

During today's meanderings (I must have read through eighty documents), I managed to paste another 1,200 words into the first draft of the right-brain novel. It's a mess, but it's my mess, which means it's at least a sequentially organized mess that has something to do with moving the plot ahead. The boy can't help it. So here's today's tally:


Bill's Left-Brain Novel,
as of June 18, 2007:

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
66,674 / 90,000
(74.1%)
[unchanged]

 

Bill's Right-Brain Novel,
as of June 18, 2007:

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
19,068 / 50,000
(38.1%)




Wishing you a beautiful day,

Bill Brent


[this page last updated: 2007.06.19, 12:35 a.m. Hawaii time]


LitBoy.com is a professional blog. Keeping it online costs me $200 per year. That's before paying me for my writing, photography, or anything else I do here. If you enjoy this blog, please use the Tip Jar at the top of this page. Your two-dollar minimum donation helps keep this banner-free site alive. It's quick and easy!

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
43.55 / $199.90
(21.8%)

This meter displays this year's contributions to date in U.S. dollars (after the funds processor takes its cut). Make a donation, watch the meter rise! Usually I post your contribution on my next blog post.

All original materials here on LitBoy.com (writing, photos, drawings, graphics, etc.) belong to Bill Brent. If you want to re-use something here, please ask. Higher resolution images are available.

June 09, 2007

THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS (a work in progress)

[Note: This story is l-o-n-g and I just wanted to get it out there. So no purty pitchers today! You can search any image database such as Google images to find many lovely artist renditions of Pele, the Volcano Goddess. —Bill]

Preface:

On Quantum Entanglement[1], Christian Compassion[2], and the Aloha Spirit[3] Being All One

What if quantum entanglement were a form of love, but not "love" in the current human understanding of the concept. What if this impersonal form of love (perhaps akin to what we sometimes call "unconditional" love – somewhere, between "soul" and "attraction," perhaps – cosmic specks of cosmic respect) were always present in the universe as an ever-lasting, ever-permeating glow? Kind of like the Star Wars "force", but more of a cool, dark radiance than a force per se.

Taking without giving an offering or permission is not the Hawaiian way and results in a lifelong curse and sometimes death.[4] 

December 7

We are at a noisy holiday party in the Hawaiian woods. It is late and I am tired, but Hubby wants to tell everyone goodbye first – linger a bit longer, mingle before leaving, maybe make more friends. Someone introduces us to Greg, who is one of the hosts. Instead of the hand-shaking ritual I am expecting, Greg impulsively gropes my cock, balls, and ass, all in the space of an instant, in full view of my partner, our two best friends on the Island, and two of Greg's friends. Seven of us. I bounce away, shocked and surprised. I shoot Hubby a sideways look – can you believe this? – and I roll my eyes. Greg is laughing at me, unconcerned with my humiliation and dismay:

Laugh lines. Fault lines.

Whose fault is it, anyway?

Pele is laughing at my self-importance. She knows it's her fault, all the time. We are all quake soup. Resistance is futile.

"He was furtive – quick and grasping,"[5] Hubby tells me later. "I could see it was a repeat of your junior high stuff, but I didn't know what to do." Well, yeah, I think, a bit defensively, but at least Greg didn't clock me in the face. My body couldn't tell the difference, anyhow: My hands had shot out in front of Greg, at waist level, creating distance, trying to smooth the lava that was shooting up between us.

All composed things are like a dream,
an illusion, a bubble, or a shadow,
Like dew or like a lightning flash,
Meditate on them in this way.[6]

Normally I am so composed. Greg has broken through my smooth surface, but I think he's about to get cut on that lava: 'A'ā lava, sharp, Pele's molten scream, piercing the darkness.[7]

I restrain myself, however, holding the tension embedded in a chaotic social moment where I am the butt of humor. Tree caught in the lava. Why am I so fucking noble?

Fault lines, laugh lines. In my mind he shrinks from Greg to greg, an improper noun. Now greg starts ripping at the seven buttons on my red aloha shirt. Oh, god, Christmas parties; where's the lampshade for his head? I particularly like this shirt; that's why I wore it to this fucking party. It's a cherished old Christmas present from Hubby, and of course I want to keep it just the way it is. Yet all things change form, and form is an illusion anyhow. Resistance is futile. But I hate destruction. Decay. Chaos. I'm fucked.

I back off. greg backs off. He's going to get a free show. I am sarcastic male burlesque[8] as I unbutton my shirt. I still think greg is smart enough to get the joke and be cool. I overestimate greg by a lot. In fact, greg is only an erg. A very small unit of energy: 10-7 joule. This has always been my lot with losers. Bullies. Pricks. I overestimate them all.

erg is tweaking my nipple – "Ooh, that's BIG!" – and still laughing at me. I'm still trying to play it cool. This is a party. But it's all happening in quantum time, and cool magma is an oxymoron. I don't really know how I am expected to deal with a moron like erg anyhow. It's his house. Later I will wish I'd pushed him into that pretty Christmas tree glowing behind him. THREE Christmas trees, each with seven strings of lights! Zsa Zsa Bill says yes, yes, yes. Scrupulous Bill says, what a waste. No one needs THREE Christmas trees, all strung with lights and pearls!

erg's a fucking swine.

And I'm the big dick. And the big pearly nipple. erg's touch is ticklish, not at all erotic. erg's flesh grasping mine, spark exchanged, a pair of quarks, perky quantum particles entangled[9] forever, his taking mine without permission. Pele smiles. Her teeth are sharp.

He's not unattractive. I might have found erg appealing as a sex partner someday. Y'know, a prayer and a curse are the same thing. They only differ in the details. Such are the erg-onomics of gay party politics.

In the quantum model of the universe, any action on (or by) particle a creates an instantaneous reaction on (or by) particle b. Even observing a particle creates a particle reaction. So, for sure, now there will be instantaneous reactions between me and erg for the rest of time. It was all in the script: In spooky quantum science, reality is always non-local. Voodoo quarkonomics.

And my particular version of the quantum particle universe is bouncy! This is how the story goes:

Pele knows we are all entangled, and Pele knows what it means to be treated with a lack of respect. This is why bad things happen to silly haoles[10] who visit the Island and take her lava rocks home with them. They become enmeshed with Pele – in fact, this happens at the very instant of their intention to steal a tangle of her hair without a higher purpose in mind, and only Pele knows what those purposes are. It is a very short list. This mindless action can be remedied, though – the tourists can bounce the lava back to Hawaiian earth, causing a quantum reaction sometimes resembling forgiveness on Pele's part.[11] Like me, Pele forgives but never forgets. As far as we know, entanglement is eternal. Pele's is an impersonal form of forgiveness, just as all true forms of forgiveness are. It's not about you, Pele knows, it's about respect.

So she protects, in a sense, this affronted haole boy, who understands that the only way to resolve unfinished business lies in accepting that, in quantum reality, it is never finished. There is always spooky action at a distance. This is true aloha spirit, Pele knows – after all, it was her idea, though she seldom gets the credit. Respect must be paid. Disrespect must be repaid. Particle b pays particle a.

Or, as Pee-Wee Herman once put it:

''I'm rubber and you're glue. Anything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!''

BOING.

Draw the infinity symbol in the air with your finger, over and over. It's bouncy.

In The Magic Mountain, Thomas Mann implied that we are all inpatients in the institution of humanity. I prefer to think that maybe we're all just kids in the plastic Bounce House.

Love makes us bouncy. And children, it is often said, love the most purely of all.

 

December 26

Three weeks later, I had nearly forgotten about Greg and his rude behavior. The day after Christmas found us entertaining two friends who were spending most of December in the Hawaiian Islands. We treated them to lunch at a phenomenal Mexican restaurant in Pahoa.[12] We all marveled over the flan, the best I've ever tasted. Our spirits were high.

On an impulse, Edmund and Perry asked if we'd like to go see the lava flows. They had been the previous evening and raved over lunch about how spectacular it was. Hubby and I looked at each other expectantly. "Sure, why not?" I replied. What else were we going to do anyhow? It was the day after Christmas, and we both loathed post-holiday sales. So we stopped at the house, where I changed into hiking shoes and grabbed a couple of flashlights, while Hubby packed granola bars and bottled water. With Edmund behind the wheel, we roared off in the rented Infiniti.

We drove to the end of State Highway 130, which stops abruptly where a giant lava flow wiped out most of the town of Kalapana[13] in 1990. From there, it was a longer drive over several miles of dirt road of varying quality. It occurred to me that the rental agency would not have appreciated Edmund's choice of leisure trip in their luxury car. After twenty or so minutes, we arrived. The parking lot at the end of the universe, I smiled to myself. From there, it would be an hour-long hike over lava fields to see the flows.

I did my best to memorize the lay of the land: the long strip of coconut trees in the distance; the configuration of vehicles and trailers adjacent to the lot; and anything I could commit to memory regarding the shape of the mountains and coast where I stood. I repeated this ritual regularly throughout the first twenty minutes of our hike, until I was convinced that I was familiar enough with the landscape to let it go and enjoy the hike with full attention. The hike to the lava flows was lengthy, and it was important to arrive while there was still light.

Perry had taken the lead with ease. He wore khaki shorts that showed off calves and thighs like sculpted bronze. He spent most of the year in training for the Honolulu Marathon, where they had been until six days ago, when they flew from Oahu to the Big Island.

I love hiking over lava flows, and I didn't have much trouble keeping up with Perry, but I was a bit concerned about leaving Hubby in the dust until I realized that he and Edmund had struck up an extended conversation about particle accelerators. Let the physicists have their quality time, I smirked to myself, but I was feeling just a tad outclassed. If I couldn't be in on their abstractions, I could still enjoy the compelling presence of stone and surf. Actually, that seemed like the better deal to me anyhow.

Such hubris. Such crust. I imagine Pele laughing with a Tallulah-like rumble at our self-important ways, the precious arrogance of all humans, barely conceived specks of star-fluff that touched the crusty earth just a minute or two ago. She probably hasn't even noticed us yet, bouncing around like the flecks of foam upon the waves where she mingles with the sea. The world is hers in a way that it can never be ours.

What is a Goddess, anyhow,I mused, if she is not a creation of the collective mind, summoned to bring us perspective, intended to remind us of our proper place in the Universe? How insignificant we are? Not even dandruff on her scalp.

It was just growing dark when we clambered over the final ridge and at last beheld a glowing bar of vertical orange plummeting straight into the ocean. I had seen some photos and a video, but now I understood how vastly they had diminished the astonishing immediacy of this falling fire. The hillside above was aglow with veins of flowing lava, in a formation like the tines of a downward pointing trident. I counted three major arteries and four finer, fainter veins, all of which flowed partway down the hill before disappearing into the earth on its way to meet the water. Occasionally I saw a big chunk of orange breaking off where the lava met the surf, tumbling briefly like a pinwheel through the receding waves before it vanished.

Perry and I stood transfixed, Perry clutching my arm, waiting for Hubby and Edmund to catch up.

"Wow," Edmund panted, as they came to a halt. Everyone was silent. The distant waves filled the air with a faint pounding, nearly a pulse, appearing to echo the fluctuations in the intensity of light that emanated from the glowing hillside. It was as if we were bridging two worlds. All composed things are like a dream.

"This is so special," Hubby murmured, and I could feel the tension between his urge to acknowledge the charged elemental forces at play and his desire not to break the spell.

Soon I noticed volcanic vapors rising from a hole in the ground about 100 yards above us, so I hiked uphill and watched through two adjacent holes in the earth, each about the size of a hula hoop, as a current of molten lava coursed through the exposed lava tube. It really did resemble a rushing river, but this cascade was a brilliant orange with dark, nearly black, sworls running through it. It resembled some unearthly, flowing form of orange marble. Rock, yet not a rock.

I sat alone for five minutes, drinking my fill of this vision before signaling to the others to join me. Together we sat for nearly half an hour, staring into the earth as though it were a campfire.

Unlike Hubby, and a bit to my dismay, Edmund felt no reluctance to break the silence. He was completely overcome, babbling, mantra-like: "Five hundred thousand years old! Risen from the center of the earth! Miles deep!"

Exuberant, he started to charge off and explore yet another band of rising vapor further uphill. Edmund always wants to go further, further, further, I thought, remembering earlier, when he had wanted to detour to the nudist beach for some sun before heading to the lava flows. "Eddy," Perry protested, "We really should get back."

"Yeah," I agreed. We had been at the site for over an hour now, and I knew it would be a bit dodgy, finding our way back to the car over lava fields in the dark, even for highly fit, well fed adults equipped with flashlights and provisions.

Within five minutes of departing our hearth in the earth, the nearly full moon vanished behind a deeply overcast sky, my first confirmation that we were indeed embarked upon a Fool's Journey. Then the formerly rapid-moving Perry disclosed that he had impaired depth perception after dark. "You, too?" said Hubby. "I left my depth-correcting eyeglasses back at the house."

I took a deep breath: This is going to be a long trip home.

Pele, please, be kind to us.

I am blessed with powerful night vision, so for long stretches of time, I kept my flashlight turned off, just in case we ran out of collective battery power.

Then it started raining; just a bit, at first, then moderately hard. Everyone groaned. My T-shirt grew soaked. "Shit," I muttered, "Does anyone have an extra shirt or something I could wear?"

"Perry, I think I've got a rain poncho in that pack you're carrying," Edmund said, taking the canvas sack. "Oh, but won't you need that?" I asked. "Nah," he replied. "I've got a bit more insulation on me." Although we were the same height, Edmund outweighed me by a good and solid thirty pounds. What Edmund lacked in trail-blazing common sense, he almost made up for with sheer confidence. Almost.

Lava fields grow slippery in the rain. I slowed to a crawl, partly for safety but also because I felt hobbled by the even more halting pace of our two vision-impaired members. "We need to keep moving," I stated with grim determination, concerned that the group was making too many stops. "Not too fast, just slow and steady progress. That's what's going to get us back to the car. Keep your weight low and just maintain that steady pace."

I saw that Hubby was shivering a bit. "Are you all right?" I asked him. "Do you want to wear the poncho?"

"No, that's okay," he said. "Well, all right," I said, unconvinced, "but let me know if you change your mind." I didn't really want to give up the poncho, but at least I was wearing long pants. Hubby's tendency to wear shorts for every occasion exasperated me sometimes. On the other hand, I hadn't done much better by wearing the T-shirt.

In contrast to the others, Edmund moved too quickly and, lacking my acute night vision, had a tendency to lead us onto rises of steep, sharp 'a'ā lava, causing us to re-trace our path at several points. I knew it was best to stick to the lower-lying troughs of the smoother pahoehoe lava, even though it meant taking the long way around the embankments and possibly impairing our sense of direction.

"Edmund, you need to slow down," I pleaded. "Try sticking to the lower path, even if it means taking longer. We can't keep backtracking like this."

"Maybe we should head closer to the ocean," Perry said. "Yeah," Edmund agreed, "It might be easier to find our way back if we could at least hear the water."

I wish they could see the path the way I can, I thought. Something was guiding me, and it wasn't just memory. It seemed like some kind of cool, dark radiance. This could be so much easier, I thought. Silly Greg and his party flashed across my mind. Strange thoughts emerge under stress. Crossed paths, crossed wires. Spooky energy at a distance.

"That sounds good," I began, "but I think we should do our best to retrace our steps, even though it's confusing sometimes with all these switchbacks." Yet I knew it would be too much to restrain Edmund's impulsiveness for long. For the moment, I was challenged enough, just to keep the rain from dripping into my eyes, and I didn't trust anyone else to lead us back to safety.

Soon enough, Edmund was hiking ahead of the party again. I tried to maintain a pace somewhere between his and the others', but before long, we were spread out over several hundred yards. Fine, then, I thought. I'll stick with the slower-moving guys and let Edmund run himself aground a few more times. I hope he doesn't lose track of us. It was hard to see around these buttes of lava.

Eventually, though, he stopped and waited for us. The rain had abated, but the lava was still slick, and I was exasperated. "I know I've said this already, but if we go too fast, we risk falling on this lava. If we change our course, we're more likely to overshoot the parking lot altogether." I remembered a story I'd seen on the Internet about a guy who ended up stumbling around for most of a week before he was found.[14] "People do get lost out here." Pele likes boys, I thought. Maybe she's partial to the gay ones. Not so many of us around. And I'll bet we're harder to catch.

Edmund took Perry's hand and surged forward, which I thought was a workable solution, since now he would have to slow down for Perry. Still, he managed to steer them onto a moderate drop-off, which they managed to traverse safely to lower ground.

"Watch, now!" Pele says, as she points her finger toward the ocean, oblivious to the four ants crossing her path as they crawl across the night. The lava hits the water, releasing an unearthly vapor. She draws infinity, over and over. Her island grows larger each year.

Hubby, trailing them, starts to cross the gully, but then he slips and falls on the brittle lava. Badly. It happens nearly in slow motion, but it is bad enough. Now, by the glow of Edmund's flashlight, it becomes evident that Hubby's worn-out tennis shoes have virtually no traction. Why didn't he change into something better when we stopped at the house, like I did? It was reflexive; I hadn't even thought about it, much less about checking with him.

"Fuck," I mutter, as we stand here in the rain, blood streaming from Hubby's badly gashed calf and hands.

Twenty-one miles away, Greg drops the last string of tree lights onto the kitchen countertop with a flourish. He stops for a quick bump off his new glass bong, a secret Christmas present to himself. He starts his micro-torch and draws infinity onto the marble-sized bowl with the pointy blue flame, melting the clear, chunky rock into liquid. He licks his lips, then caresses the stem. A vaporous cloud collects in the tiny bowl. He has filled the chamber with Everclear; now he pulls the white vapor across the clear liquid. The high-octane alcohol bubbles as it mixes with the air and the drug. The mingled vapors shoot up the stem, surging into his eager lungs. He pulls back the torch, but the butane flame flicks his fingertip, a tiny, sharp lick that startles and stings:

"FUCK!!"

The bong slips from his grip and shatters on the kitchen tile. He leaps up, stunned, choking on his hit of meth. He brings his bare foot down on shards of superheated glass. The stinging alcohol flows across the tile and fills the fresh cuts, as the torch sets the highly flammable liquid on fire. Greg catches a whiff of something burning just before he slips and hits his head on the edge of the countertop.

Pele smiles. Her teeth are sharp. She licks her lips.

She is unaware of the silly haole boy, but she feels the thrilling surge of cool, dark radiance. Somewhere, somehow, disrespect is being repaid.

"Does anyone have a hanky?" I ask. "Anything similar?" Edmund drops his trousers. I rinse out the gash with some of the bottled water and fashion a tourniquet out of the nobly donated underpants; no wasted motion. Black silk, I notice. Matches the car, I smirk. Edmund was nothing if not a bon vivant.

Thus our adventure plummets from the sublime to the ridiculous in one fell swoop. Or, to be a bit more precise, one swooping fall.

December 26, 1946: Two Kulani Prison Camp inmates die and eighteen are hospitalized after a shellac alcohol drinking party at the camp.[15]

Now I was worried about Hubby's possibly going into hypothermia or injury-related shock. I was torn between the need to guide slowest-moving Hubby safely over the lava and the urge to be out front, leading us back to the car.

"Are you sure we shouldn't be heading closer to the coast?" Perry asked.

"Trust me, that parking lot is further inland than you think it is. Now, let's not add to our troubles by changing our mind, okay? We've been through this already."

Perry looked dubious.

"Look. I'll run ahead to that next rise, see? And I'll take a look around from the top, and see what I can see. I don't think we have much further to go now. Just don't split up, okay? Give me two minutes." I flipped on the flashlight and set off.

I came to the crest of the lava bank and stared into the blackness. Nothing. Just then, it started to rain again. I held out my hands, palms upward, beseeching the stars for any kind of sign whatsoever. Dejected, I headed cautiously back down the hillock.

"I can't see anything," I reported. "I – I just don't know anymore. I'm pretty sure we haven't passed the parking lot." I wondered, though, if somehow we had gotten turned around. The hills were still on our left, but I could no longer see the glowing trident mountain. Nothing looked familiar at this point. "Just five more minutes, okay? Five more minutes, and then we'll talk about it again." My voice was losing conviction, like a battery losing power. "I feel like a broken record, but we have got to stay together. And if we go too fast, there will be more spills on this lava. Just stay the course … please just stay the course." I swallowed hard, trying to relieve the sudden tension in my throat. I can't cry now, I thought.

Hubby spoke up: "Actually, I was doing better, walking with Perry. We guide each other well, because of the mutual depth-perception problem." Of course. "That's a good idea," I agreed. "Why don't you two stick together, then?" Perry seemed relieved. "I'd like some water," he said. "That's great," I agreed, a bit too quickly. "Let's all drink some water."

We passed around a plastic bottle in the rain. Hubby's flashlight had fallen apart during the fall, and now he pieced it back together, but I noticed that it was painful for him. I wondered at the countless tiny flecks of lava that must have embedded themselves in his hands when he fell. I had seen his palms, bleeding and scratched, when I had poured the stream of bottled water onto his hands a few minutes ago. The rain didn't help his grip, either. And the flashlight no longer worked, so I turned on mine. It was too bad I couldn't just venture ahead, fetch the damn Infiniti, and drive it across these god-forsaken lava fields.

Soon we were moving again. The fickle rain abated, but the lava remained slick. We moved at a crawl past the rise I'd climbed, emerging onto a large, flat, lunar-looking plain.

Edmund, who would not be restrained, had marched ahead of the group and saw it first; a quick, whitish flicker, low on the horizon, maybe a quarter mile in front of us. "Holy fuck!" he shouted. "That! Did you see it?"

I thought maybe it was just a meteor flash, but then the pickup truck's headlights came on and stayed on. He must have seen the flicker bouncing from Edmund's flashlight. Now I could see the faint outline of the coconut trees behind the parking lot. "Thank god," I wheezed.

Back at the house, Perry made us a batch of steaming cocoa as I tapped out an email and sent it off to our friends in Kea'au, the same couple who had brought us to Greg's party:

… and I just have to drive the Hubby to the ER in Hilo now. He has a very nasty gash in one calf that I am sure will require antibiotics. For now, I've rinsed it out with purified water and a few rounds of hydrogen peroxide, dressed it with Neosporin, and covered it with a large adhesive pad. I'm also concerned about a possible bruised rib or two. Plus, he has a lot of cuts on his hands, but as far as I can tell, we've extracted most of the lava bits.

Still, would I do it again, for the lava experience?

Absolutely.

It had taken nearly two and a half hours to hike back to the car, more than twice as long as the trip out to the flows during the rain-free daylight. Soon we had sent Edmund and Perry on their way, and were zooming up the slick black stripe of Highway 130, then up the road that led to Hilo.

As we sat down to fill out paperwork in the emergency room lobby, a pair of paramedics burst through the swinging doors at the back of the hall, wheeling in a horribly disfigured man hooked up to an IV bag of saline solution. What I could see of his skin was blotchy, shiny, and blistered, reminding me of wet lava. Most of his hair seemed to be burned off. "House fire victim in Hawaiian Acres," one of them explained to the intake nurse. "Second-degree burns over maybe forty percent of his body."

Lava lines. Fault lines.

Whose fault is it, anyway?

Pele laughs. She knows it's her fault, all the time.




FOOTNOTES

 

[1] Herbert, N., 1998, <http://mail.cruzio.com/~quanta/bell.html>: "One description of The Einstein-Poldalsky-Rosen Experiment (the EPR Experiment).
Herbert [1] describes the situation of two quantum particles that are once together flying apart and being measured at two distant locations. There exists a connection between the particles such that the fact of an observation of particle A is relayed to the distant particle B, in such a manner that the communication, 'does not diminish with distance, cannot be shielded, and travels faster than light.' The fact of the two particles' once being together is sufficient to mingle the particles’ phases (which the author refers to as 'quantum phase entanglement'). This results in the effect being “non-local” (whereas all ordinary light-speed-limited forces are referred to as “local”).

[2] http://net-burst.net/revenge/love_and_wrath_of_God.htm: "Most of us delight in finding people whose sins we can despise. We rarely analyze why we do this, but it is actually our pathetic way of getting our minds off our own sins and drowning out the screams of our consciences." (Author note: A wonderful article. Lots of great Biblical quotes you can toss at any Fundies who give you a hassle for being your marvelous queer self. Or just Google on "Christian compassion" and "revenge" – it's the first hit!)

[3] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aloha: Over the decades the word aloha has been used in reference to a complex state of mind called the Aloha Spirit or sense of aloha. The Aloha Spirit is often described as a sense of care and hospitality to those around as well as respect for their personhood, even in the face of stressful environments, occasions or people.

[4] http://www.hanaaloha.com/. If the site is down, you can try a fetch at: http://gigablast.com/get?d=97339629715.

[5] http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2006/Dec/09/ln/150history.html: "December 7, 1941: Just before 8 a.m., 183 Japanese planes attack U.S. aircraft carriers and battleships at Pearl Harbor as well as Hickam Field and other U.S. air bases on O'ahu. A second wave of 170 planes follow, attacking Bellows Field and Ford Island. The assaults lasted about 90 minutes, and when it was over, 2,388 men, women and children had been killed, including 1,177 sailors from the USS Arizona. Among the dead were 49 civilians, many killed by friendly fire as U.S. forces tried desperately to mount a defense."

[6] The Diamond Sutra, a Prajnaparamita text

[7] http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2006/Dec/09/ln/150history.html: "December 7, 1962: Kilauea Volcano erupts at 1 a.m. near the Chain of Craters Road, lighting the sky with a reddish hue visible more than 10 miles away."

[8] burlesque is originally from the Spanish word burla, meaning joke.

[9] Entangled is a synonym for enmeshed. See enmeshment at http://sfhelp.org/pop/enmeshed.htm, which states in part: "In human relationships, this term means two or more people who don't have clear identities and boundaries (limits) that separate one person from the other. Thus an enmeshed person can't distinguish the difference between my needs, feelings, opinions, and priorities and yours. This condition suggests both people survived a low-nurturance childhood and have significant false-self wounds."

[10] http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/haole: sometimes disparaging: one who is not descended from the aboriginal Polynesian inhabitants of Hawaii; especially: white.

[11] http://www.lapietra.edu/scienceweb/Kilauea2004/sites/40/Legend_of_Pele.html: "There are tons of rocks that are mailed back to Hawaii Volcanoes National Park, a year. They are used to getting five or six rocks a day, along with black sand, conch shells, Pele's tears, all enclosed in packages." Personal stories and more at: http://www.volcanogallery.com/lavarock.htm

[15] http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2006/Dec/26/ln/150history.html




Wishing you a beautiful day,

Bill Brent


[this page last updated: 2007.06.09, 2:30 p.m. Hawaii time]


LitBoy.com is a professional blog. Keeping it online costs me $200 per year. That's before paying me for my writing, photography, or anything else I do here. If you enjoy this blog, please use the Tip Jar at the top of this page. Your two-dollar minimum donation helps keep this banner-free site alive. It's quick and easy!

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
43.55 / $199.90
(21.8%)

This meter displays this year's contributions to date in U.S. dollars (after the funds processor takes its cut). Make a donation, watch the meter rise! Usually I post your contribution on my next blog post.

All original materials here on LitBoy.com (writing, photos, drawings, graphics, etc.) belong to Bill Brent. If you want to re-use something here, please ask. Higher resolution images are available.

March 16, 2007

Ya gotta wonder... (Googling on sex, drugs, and writing)

Sex, drugs, and ... writing? "Blogging out" is like rocking out. Blogs often convey the raw, hedonistic, do-it-yourself ethic of primal forms of popular music. After all, "popular" means "of the people," and nowadays millions of people are blogging.

As with rock'n'roll, anyone can blog. As with good rock, good blogging takes attitude. So if you can express your attitude with twenty-six letters and an Internet connection (as opposed to, say, three chords and an amp), then you can blog well. Also, consider this:

"I do what I do because I was always a big fan. The ultimate fan transcends fandom and does it himself."
    — Clem Burke, drummer for Blondie, quoted in Blondie, by Lester Bangs, p. 34 (Simon & Schuster, 1980).

The same principle applies to success in any creative discipline: Those who persist the longest and hardest in a chosen discipline (i.e., the most passionately) tend to become its most powerful practitioners.

One of the kewl features of this typepad.com professional blog account is that it shows me where a fair number of my blog's search-engine hits originate, as well as the search phrase.

So, with that in mind, here are a few of the web-surfs that washed Googlers and other web-searchers onto my site over the past ten days, in keeping with our sex, drugs, and writing theme:

 




From blogger.com blog search: "jerk off party" (hit #31)
- 2007.03.14, 8:30 PM, referencing: THE JOSE STORY (Feb. 23)

From http://www.searchalot.com: "mother-superior sucked my dick" (hit #15)
- 2007.03.14, 9:07 PM, referencing: /sex/index.html


From Google.co.uk:

"polish chocolates and cocaine" (hit #11)
- 2007.03.07, 9:11 AM, referencing: /food_and_drink/index.html

"sticky vicky sexy magic show" (hit #20) litboy.typepad.com/my_weblog/sex/index.html
- 2007.03.11, 1:33 PM, referencing: /sex/index.html

From Google.com:

"coffee pot meth" (hit #4)
- 2007.03.16, 5:03 AM, referencing: TEMPEST IN A COFFEE POT (Jan. 15)

—Look at some of the other hits if you want to read about the controversy over coffee pots and burners in hotel rooms, mostly inspired by a single Alabama article that was widely spread across the Internet. The reader comments on some of these hits are interesting. My take: with meth, the larger the news outlet, the more sensationalized the stories tend to be.

"Stay off ecstasy, self help" (hit #21)
- 2007.03.16, 7:33 AM, referencing: /rant/index.html

"brush your teeth with my cock" (hit #2)
- 2007.03.07, 4:20 PM, referencing: litboy.typepad.com/my_weblog/2007/01/brush_your_care.html
…oh, and [ here's hit #1. ]

"cum spaghetti dinner" (hit #6)
- 2007.03.10, 5:23 PM, referencing: litboy.typepad.com/my_weblog/sex/index.html

"garage jerking off" (hit # 2)
- 2007.03.10, 7:22 PM

—Note that this search landed at KID PRO QUO (Feb. 16), my sex-story post from late January, which was not at all about the garage – so c'mon, peeps, get busy writing them garage whack-off tales! There's a niche to be, uh, filled…. I can see the anthology now: "Grease Marks the Spot"….

"Mom walked in just as my stiff cock popped out" (hits #8 and #16), referencing: litboy.typepad.com/my_weblog/sex/index.html
- 2007.03.10, 2:01 PM

"couldnt pop a boner" (hit #6)
(to which, LOL, Google prompts the question:
"Did you mean: could pop a boner" ?
- 2007.03.12, 11:16 PM, referencing: KID PRO QUO (Feb. 16)

"fluff couples and cum cleaners" (hit # unknown. It must have been buried past the first 200 hits; that's where I gave up.)
- 2007.03.13, 4:30 AM, referencing: /sex/index.html

"prayer to brush your teeth" (hit #11, OMG! I'm sure my electric toothbrush-as-sex-vibrator story ain't what this Googler had in mind.)
- 2007.03.15, 4:19 AM, referencing: BRUSH YOUR CARES AWAY (Jan. 27)

[ This one ] (hit #18) turned into an amusing thread – Is there a lot more funny porn like mine out there? Obviously there's a market for the stuff.

"stories that use graphic" (hit #1 of 1!)
- 2007.03.15, 6:29 AM, referencing: just the disclaimer text I created for [ my three sex stories posted to date. ]

And, finally, someone from Ireland (Google.ie) finds the secrets to high-volume writing output, Googling on: [ write 3000 words a day ] (hit #3)
- 2007.03.15, 4:34 AM

 



We will never agree unilaterally on any secrets regarding the writing process, other than to just do it. That would be like trying to get everyone to agree on the "proper" way to paint; you have to discover your own rhythms and techniques.
[ Here's an example. ]
 

[ This one, too ] — it's great stuff, albeit daunting.

…like what I did on [ my 3000 word day of writing, ] only every day for an entire year! Imagine [ NaNoWriMo ] as your daily job. Hmmm, I wonder….

And, oh, looky, all this obsessive journaling I've been doing for nearly thirty years does have its benefits:

"Once you get into a daily writing habit (one page, come on, you can write ONE page, can't you?) you begin to see the world as a writer sees it, the ordinary inside the great, the tiny brilliances in the everyday. You begin to see with a writer's eyes. But only, ONLY if you commit to the idea of writing every day."

Now, compare this statement to mine, dated: 3/4/2006, 5:34 PM:

"Find the heroic in the mundane, and the mundane in the heroic, and you are well on your way to transcending the bullshit of life."

(Yeah, I'm so writing-obsessed that I even time-stamp my quotable quotes.)

So maybe I'm doing something right, after all.

 



Oh, and [ one more, heh. ]
(hit #9 on the phrase "sex machines" – wow, thanks, typepad, for the good indexing placement.)
- 2007.03.15, 11:21 AM, referencing: BRUSH YOUR CARES AWAY (Jan. 27).

Since these hits were all logged at my blog, the tracking required no effort on my part, making this even better than [ ego-surfing. ]

And here's a fun toy for that, you egotist, you:

Ego-surfing without the guilt (as if!)

 



Wishing you a wonderful (and guilt-free) day,

—Bill Brent


If you enjoy this blog, please use the Tip Jar at the top of this page. Your two-dollar minimum donation helps keep this banner-free site alive. It's quick and easy!

All original photos on this website (LitBoy.com) belong to Bill Brent. If you want to re-use something here, please ask. Higher resolution images are available.

February 23, 2007

THE JOSE STORY

[DISCLAIMER: The following story deals with sex in a graphic way. It may contain several of George Carlin's Seven Dirty Words, so if you are a minor, or offended by stories that use graphic language to depict sexual situations, please navigate ELSEWHERE before reading any further. Thank you!]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For six years in the mid-'90s, I lived in a San Francisco house that was notorious for hosting sex parties. The most notorious event was a semi-annual men's party, where everyone had to strip naked to enter and play. At one particularly memorable party, a ridiculously hot Latino in a leather cap kept walking through the big room on the top level of the house, which was the most inviting public part of the house in which to lounge back and play. So the leather-capped Latin stud would meet guys, they would play with his dick, it would get hard, but then he'd smile and walk away. I saw this happen maybe four times.

Many hours later, I saw him in the video room jerking off to the TV. There was a space next to him on the couch, so I sat there. I figured he'd probably discourage me, but he didn't. Instead, he smiled at me, as his eyes grew into slits and he continued fingering his thick, very hard, brown dick. I noticed his hand was marked to indicated that he'd taken the acid punch that had been doled out earlier.

I got my dick really hard and started slapping it against my hand. That made it get even harder, and I could see Jose was turned on by this. It was very late in the evening, maybe two a.m., and so most of the remaining dicks were tired and spent. Not mine. I'd been busy all evening and hadn't gotten off, so my dick was eager for attention.

Jose wasn't into a lot of touching. He did like it when I leaned over and sucked his dick, though, because I could take it down to the root and keep it there without using my teeth or gagging. I then used my throat muscles to milk his dick and keep him hard. He gasped with pleasure.

I alternated between doing this and sitting next to him, watching each other masturbate. This went on for maybe forty minutes, and then it seemed like the time to invite him into my room. I wanted a quieter setting, as the loud disco music was beginning to distract me. With a fair degree of coaxing, I managed to lure him behind my door.

He was taken aback at my bed, which was in a loft above the floor. You had to climb up five ladder steps to get into it. I was used to it, of course, but it always surprised me how awkward some guys found this process. Jose managed to get into the bed, but then he got claustrophobic because the ceiling was close to the bed. Then he looked down and got vertigo, too. Within two minutes, he started to retch. So here I was, alone at last with one of the hottest guys at the party, but now he was starting to spew his guts all over my bed. Fortunately, I was well prepared. I had lots of extra towels, so I threw down a couple and told him to vomit into those. Up came what seemed like quarts of his spaghetti dinner. Even with all my preparation, he still managed to splatter my walls with his warm vomit. Then I got the trash can and paper towels from down below. I managed to wipe off the wall with the paper, and then I bundled all the stuff into the towels and threw them in the trash. We had started speaking in Spanish. "I don't want to die!" he said. "Calm down, you're not going to die," I said. "It's just the acid. Keep breathing."

Once he had calmed down, I sealed the trash can liner and put the bag outside the window. "You saved my life!" he said. "Oh, Daddy."

"You're fine, boy," I murmured. "Just rest your head on my chest, and you'll be fine." But like all boys, he couldn't keep his hand off his dick for too long. Soon he was stroking himself, and his dick was hard again. Sometimes Latino guys get so cloyingly dramatic. Jose started murmuring phrases like, "My Daddy" and "Yours forever," and I thought, "Sure, sure. Let's see how 'forever' looks once the acid wears off."

I pinched his tits, which he couldn't take for too long, and then I started smacking his thigh with my hard-on, which really excited him. He reached over and kissed me full on the mouth and slid his tongue into mine. Surprisingly, he didn't taste at all like vomit, and I was aroused by this strange turn of events. For hours, I had watched this "unavailable" macho stud jerking off, then at last I got to suck his magnificent dick. He had begun to appear vulnerable and uncertain when I invited him into my room, and grew even more so once he realized he'd have to mount my ladder in his acid-induced state, until finally he had totally lost control of his guts. So, without ever having intended to, I had reduced this supposed pinnacle of Latin manhood to a pile of quivering boy-jelly. Now he was lying here in my arms, and passionately kissing me like he was my Air Force wife and I was about to fly off on a dangerous mission. Go figure.

As I predicted, his infatuation didn't last. Later on, I ran into him with an Anglo friend, whereupon he pointed at me and exclaimed (in Spanish), "Satan!" Oh, brother, I thought. But I smiled, pointed at the top of my head and said, "No, I'm an angel! See the halo! I saved your life!" But he was a mess. "No, Satan!" he grinned. I shrugged, "All right, then, I'm Satan! See you in hell."

And with that, I walked away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Faithful readers of this blog should note that not all of my sex-memoir stories involve LSD, although it does seem to be a recurring theme. Ditto on the vomit thing.

February 16, 2007

KID PRO QUO

[DISCLAIMER: The following story deals with sex in a graphic way. It contains several of George Carlin's Seven Dirty Words, so if you are a minor, or offended by stories that use graphic language to depict sexual situations, please navigate ELSEWHERE before reading any further. Thank you!]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Twice in my life I've been paid for sex. One time was in 1984, when I was living in a room in back of a garage in San Francisco's Glen Park district. My curiosity took me to Esta Noche, a gay Latino bar in the Mission. All night long I cruised hunky Latino boys, but they all seemed to be uninterested or taken. After last call, a bloated, fortyish black guy came onto me, and I let him drive me home, mostly because I wanted the ride but also because I took pity on him. He was a wine salesman, I believe. On the way to my house, he told me ­stories about how a boyfriend of his had known Prince in the Midwest and had pictures of him playing with another guy. Big deal. Is this supposed to impress me, I wondered. The longer he talked, the more desperate he seemed. We got to my room, and the sex was so uneventful, I can't even remember whether we came, or what we did. Probably blowjobs. In any case, this was definitely a mercy fuck.

I thought that was the end of it, but then he began stalking me. I would come home from work and find him parked outside my building. I gave him the brush-off twice, but he was ­really persistent. The third time, out of sheer exasperation, I told him I'd have sex with him, just to get rid of him, but it was going to cost him. He said he'd give me twenty dollars. So I took him inside and perched him atop my bed. I stood in the doorway, about ten feet away, and I jacked off. However, I was so turned off that it was one of the few times in my life I couldn't even pop a boner, much less cum. After five or ten minutes of jerking my limp dick, I got sore and tired, and I told him that was it. Well, then he started bitching at me and wanted ten dollars back because the show he'd paid me for was so lame. He felt that, for twenty dollars, I should at least cum. In theory, I agreed with him, but the guy had been such a pest, I refused on principle to give him a refund. Then he began to get ­really ugly, and I told him that if he didn't leave immediately, I'd start shouting and alert my landlady upstairs. He finally relented and left, and fortunately, he never came back. I guess I finally pissed him off.

The second time was in 1987, when I was living in the Mission and went prowling in Mission News' video arcade, before the staff turned into the Sex Gestapo and made it impossible to get laid there. It was a typically slow weeknight. An older white guy (in his late fifties, I'd guess) came onto me. His breath smelled of alcohol. I was about to tell him to fuck off when he offered me cash if he could play with my dick. Well, I was pretty broke that week -- my typical situation then -- so I told him he could do it if he gave me twenty dollars. We went into a booth and locked the door. He fished out twenty dollars from an envelope and I pocketed the cash. I had a hunch that he wasn't working and had just cashed his allotment from some government program.

Even though I wasn't attracted to the guy, I was able to get hard easily enough, so he jerked on my stiff meat for a bit and then decided he wanted to blow me. I told him that would cost him an extra ten dollars. He didn't seem too thrilled about it, but I held my ground and he gave me another ten dollars. His drunkenness grossed me out, but actually he was giving me pretty good head -- so good, in fact, that eventually I came in his mouth. I guess the taste shocked him, because up came his lunch. Fortunately, I anticipated his gag reflex and pulled out of his mouth just in time to avoid coating my crotch with his puke.

I watched him heave his guts out and then handed him some Kleenex I had in my pocket. I know it sounds weird, but I got a perverse thrill out of having such an impact on him, albeit a negative one. I tried to clean him up a bit, but it was useless. After I determined that he wasn't going to choke to death, I zipped myself up, managing to avoid the puddle of spreading vomit, and left the booth, which had begun to smell really fetid. I breezed out the front door and left him there. I couldn't really help him any further in his condition, and telling the management would have just added to his problems. I figured maybe he'd pull himself together if I left him alone. The manager would find out about the puke soon enough, anyway, and I didn't see the point in getting tangled up in some sorry drunk's drama.

On my way home, I went into the supermarket and spent about half the money on groceries. It felt deliciously wicked to walk into an innocent setting and spend my "ill-gotten gain" on the things I needed. I felt great, no longer broke, and very powerful, in a way that is hard to explain. I didn't feel angry at the guy for puking, just sorry for him, and happy for me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Author's note: I wrote this story in 1994 for issue 4 of Black Sheets magazine, the "Sex and Productivity!" issue. Black Sheets was a humorous magazine about sex and popular culture that I published for 17 issues from 1993 to 2001. A complete set of all issues is still available for $50 postpaid from Bill Brent, PO Box 1353, Pahoa HI 96778-1353. My story, originally titled "True Confession," was re-published in The Factsheet Five Zine Reader, edited by R. Seth Friedman, a "best-of" collection of articles and stories presented by the editor of Factsheet Five, the late, great document of the '90s zine revolution.

Faithful readers of this blog should note that not all of my sex-memoir stories involve vomit, although it does seem to be a recurring theme.

January 27, 2007

BRUSH YOUR CARES AWAY (or: In between the sheets, in between the molars)

[DISCLAIMER: The following story deals with sex in a graphic way. It contains several of George Carlin's Seven Dirty Words, so if you are a minor, or offended by stories that use graphic language to depict sexual situations, please navigate ELSEWHERE before reading any further. Thank you!]

|||_______((((||||))))                |||_______((((||||))))                |||_______((((||||))))

Hiya, friends:

Just checking in right now — decided to hook myself up to this sex machine trip today for whatever part of it works. I dropped some fantastic acid a while ago and now I'm up in my private little loft space, see? No one goes here, 'cept me ... and whom I see fit to let in on a particular day, hear? Today it's just me and my cuuuute li'l electric toothbrush.

"Sex machine." Not so alien a concept. We are all sexual. We are all little heartbeat machines. And just like any good machine, I know when it's time to take care of myself. Depress the off-switch. Nap-time.

But then, at some point, I must emerge from my nap-time. Pass along whatever sacred, secret truths that some poor schmuck is always trying to make buck off of borrowing from me. I sure don't know what those secrets are. But, as the heavens know, there are rare and gifted, inspirational individuals among us who always manage to give more than they get. They are certainly not schmucks. Maybe you're one of them.

So it is with the grrrreatest of pleasure that I share with you today the secret truths I have been shown by the Ordenta Corporation.

|||_______((((||||))))

The Ordenta Corporation manufactures exactly one product -- the Ordenta. Its alleged purpose is to clean your teeth. Don't be fooled.

"What keeps all these people smiling?" pose the ads. "Ordenta!" Ahh, but if they only knew what was going on behind this special little device. The unique one that won't be confined by so limiting a label as "electric toothbrush." The name "Ordenta" stands alone, unsupported by adjectives and nouns, as proof of its timeless, utilitarian invincibility.

I was given this little gift by my very sexy dentist (okay, so I paid for it—at the low, low price of just $79.95) because I was suffering from periodontal disease. Not very sexy. But, after a year, my teeth and gums have never been better, so I'm sold on the Ordenta.

Ordenta.

Reorganize the letters a bit, and it becomes "adentro." Spanish for "inside." A clue? Most definitely. Come, let's see what's inside...

"Use me as a toothbrush," it states, just a bit too officiously on the package.

"Use me...."

As if. Sure, you could also use it on a nipple, a succulent clit, an angrily flared crown of swelling, captive dickbulb perhaps lashed to the mattress. But would you? Could you?

Sometimes I think that the greatest absurdity of human existence is our need to put each item into its appropriate category, department, box, drawer. All assignment of proportion to things.

When the potential of the sensual realm is infinite....

But let's start with the teeth, shall we?

One miraculous feature of this lovely device-that-refuses-to-be-called-just-a-lowly-electric-toothbrush is that it gets the damn things clean. I never feel ready to get it on until my teeth are clean. Clean teeth are very sexy, don't you think?

Fast-forward back to the loft. I've cleaned my teeth, I feel sexy. The cool and sticky feel of the 0.4% Stable Stannous Fluoride Gel on my cock is a delight, as always. I pick up the Ordenta, and with that ritual glimmering gesture, I foreshadow all that is to come.

The whirring of the little engine, repetitive massaging of little infinite universes all exploding in on each other and blossoming outward into an electric orgasm of paralytic ecstatic friggin' ecstasy. Prayer.

I really do like the whirring engine, but basically, it's a cheap job. I mean, it's great as far as the dental market, but it's pretty lightweight as far as the pro-vibro stuff goes. In other words, this ain't no Hitachi Magic Wand. Then again, maybe it's all in how you examine (or de-examine) lust. Here goes:

whirrrrrrr...........

The dick is hard. The handle feels good in my palm. I've put on the special "braces" attachment. Forgot to mention that -- this thing has about four different tips, but you can't really tell the difference on the flesh.

Grasping my cock firmly at its base, I slowly move it toward the Ordenta. I flinch momentarily, always worried that I'll be shocked at the roughness of the bristles. I'm not. But my cock has amnesia. It feels good, moving up and down the veins of my shaft, a bit ticklish around the crown of my cock, very ticklish across the piss-slit and down the dickhead.

Now I put it first on the right nipple, then on the more sensitive left one. It makes me laugh because the centrifugal force of the device always grabs my nipple and sends it spinning around the tip, over and over. Wind-up nipples? It feels good, but it looks pretty fucking silly. Especially when I'm stoned on acid. I'm glad no one can see me right now. I think about the time that Mom walked in on me wailing away on my pole when I was sixteen. Very close call.

And I think about how we're all basically looking for the same exact thing.

All trying to find mother Nature, mother Comfort, mother Superior, mother MOTHER a place to let go of your cheap flesh long enough to enjoy it and purrrrr like this little engine little dental machine goes for a while puuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

But where oh wherrrrrrrrrrr did we learn to eroticize the sound of our own million little whirring engines? All so independent? So self-contained? All still need, still feed on mother's milk. Electric juice. Animal or mechanical, we all need fuel.

Engines open me up to where our possibilities extend. Next. Little electric tongues, little muscles, little cocks, little cunts. Engines have been pushing the envelope for a long time now, and that envelope is sealed with bodily fluids. "Sex machine" is about the pelvic thrust, that evolutionary push to the next frigging good step.

The little machine, it feels so good upon the earlobe...secretly, that's the best spot. I know you'd rather hear a story about how great it feels on my dick, and how it made me squirt five times, but truthfully, the Ordenta gives me eargasms, not cockgasms. I love the little motor, whirring so close to my ear. Inside, my head is vibrating with sound ... my own little engine ... my brain is in flames. Ohhhhh.... moan.....whirrrrr.....purrrr.......Little dental Ordenta engines pillowing me to one feathery climax higher than the last. On little engines our loftiest (sleaziest) thoughts and wishes reach their express delivery potential ... love....

|||_______((((||||))))

Now I am in the bathroom with the Ordenta, chewing on its bristles, and somehow that feels erotic, too. Those sexy teeth. Chewing on the bristles ... how human that is, an animal urge ... always the fleshly attempt to convert the mechanical into the more beastly, eh?

Did I forget to mention how good the damn thing feels when applied to its RIGHTEOUS purpose? Indeed, it is the finest dental instrument I have seen. Like a good lover, the Ordenta is gentle yet insistent.

It's about ... what it all comes down to is this ... we can only appreciate anything in its truly finest, most elemental components, by chewing up its bristles — reducing it to its measliest bits.

Which will always be impossible.

We don't really want to know how things are constructed, we just want them to work. Examination is just a means to an end. What we want is the comfort of reliability — yes, damn it, we're cheap sluts — we'll even settle for the promise of comfort. Which is the tease that the electronic umbilical cord holds out to us, seemingly infinite. But we're a small planet, and our power supply only remains infinite as long as our ingenuity keeps up with new ways to harness it before it all runs out. If that should fail, then — COLLAPSE. Entropy. Orgasm. But isn't that inevitable? Things fall apart. Every story has an ending. The endless dance of constructo-destructo whirrrr. See, even the roots of those words: Constructo. Destructo. Tells you that since the Latin days, we haven't found a better way of saying it yet.

So what are we all waiting for this GODDAMNED DEMON, yes, ELECTRIC BEAST to deliver us from? What jaws of the inescapable unknown?

Demise. Now, techno-geeks were the first to eroticize machines. And as every geek knows, no matter how far your passion transports you, you must still remember to hit the "save" button so that all traces of your existence here today will not be lost. But is that all that matters? I think not. I like to think I exist in some component far beyond my electronic trace.

Whirrrrrrrr.....I love the motors and engines that go humming through my life. But when I am given one, as did this dentist mine (so kind, so kind), must I respect it, worship it? Put it only to its rightful  use? But why? I'm a good consumer. I paid for it. Is it not mine? Do I not own it now? Did I not purchase the blasted thing with mine own seat? Mine own SWEAT, damn it? Is it not MINE yet?

Only as long as I pay the electric bill. Ownership is always conditional. And warranties always expire. No guarantee is infinite.

Still, the Ordenta is a lovely reminder that all of those nasty, painful trips to the dentist's chair couldn't have been so bad if he gave me such a nasty, delicious device!

The truth is that it's always you, baby. No matter what electronic dial, or device, or little comforting whirrrrrrr we can hook up in that elusive attempt to hang the goods somewhere else.

You are your own engine. This is what makes you respectable. Dangerous. Beautiful. Fiery.

Revel in your own glorious luminescence. And if that is enhanced for you by strapping on some device, you sure don't need my permission to go off and enjoy yourselves, OK?

That is what the little engines have taught me. Love is within. All the rest follows from that. Trust your own little internal engine. It's what keeps you ticking....

Love,

Bill

|||_______((((||||))))                |||_______((((||||))))                |||_______((((||||))))

Author's note: I wrote this story in 1997 for inclusion in an erotic anthology titled EROS EX MACHINA: Eroticizing the Mechanical (ed. M. Christian, Masquerade/Rhinoceros, 1-56333-593-X, March 1998), which was subsequently released in a somewhat altered form as SEX MACHINE (Venus Book Club, 0-7394-2356-X, 2002). Yes, I really did drop acid to write this. No animals or machines were harmed in the making of this work. Maybe some unnecessary brain cells.

January 15, 2007

TEMPEST IN A COFFEE POT

This essay's inspiration is an email that a friend forwarded to me, in which the sender (whom I'll call "the raver") protests this website:

MethCoffee.com

...which includes this video:

Meth Coffee Commercial

The objection was the "blatant attempt to link coffee to speed" (duh), which the raver found "